Confirmation
Well, I’ve been neglecting this little blog of late because I’ve been busily preparing for Confirmation. I submitted my report on Monday, and my defence is in another week, then, all going well, I will be confirmed! I’m a little nervous – even though everyone tells me it’s a congenial kind of affair, I’m still stuck on the notion that ‘defence’ implies ‘attack’. Eep!
Aside from the stress of deadlines, nervous anticipation, and a bad case of imposter syndrome, I am really loving academia at the moment! In stark contrast to the horror stories I’ve heard about professional isolation and jealousy and bitter competitiveness, the fat studies scholars who I’ve connect with (some through this blog, which absolutely thrills me!) have been amazing! Generous and friendly and welcoming and supportive and warm and all the things I’d been told didn’t exist in academia. Huh!
It’s a strange experience to be invited in to this club of amazing women (so far) because of my fat (well, because of my engagement with fat, but still). Especially when I’ve felt for so much of my life like my position anywhere was extremely marginal and tenuous because of my fat. It’s actually not an entirely new experience – I’ve been warmly invited into other groups and events before, but – damn imposter syndrome! – have never felt like I deserved to be there, and so involved myself in only a marginal and tenuous way. Because of my fat.
It’s tricky to talk about this stuff because it ends up sounding like an individual self-esteem issue. And while yes, sure, that’s part of it, what I’m trying to get at is the larger cultural forces at work. The cultural forces that produce individual self-esteem issues, that produce cultural marginalisation as an individual psychological issue.
I think there’s a friction within fat acceptance where we (generally) recognise that the ‘problem’ is cultural (a fat-hating society) rather than individual (a fat body), but the ‘solution’ is still located on the individual level, but has been shifted from the individual body (loose weight!) to the individual mind (change your attitude!). Sam Murray says all of this in her excellent book, it’s not my idea, but it’s a contradiction that bothers me. Not least because I think there absolutely is value and benefit in reforming individual attitudes. That the whole entire world doesn’t have to be fat-positive for me to be ok in my body; the that whole entire world doesn’t have to want to shag me in order for me to feel sexy and have great sex. At the same time, I think that part of what fat acceptance forums like the fatosphere does is to build communities, so it becomes about something much larger than the individual. But there’s a disconnect there, and it’s niggling away as I work through these ideas.
Has anyone else noticed it? What are your thoughts?
’solution’ is still located on the individual level
I agree that this is problematic – but this is what the communities are for. Resistance is both an individual act and a communal one. Resist personally and support others in their resistance. Without the community, the world will grind people down and say it’s their own fault. With community, parts of the world grind you down and other parts build you up. I can be as fat positive as I want, but without helping others, I would be perpetuating that harmful kind of individuality.
This is particularly important for people who are isolated from fat resources – in my case, I have a supportive fat partner, and a reasonable number of fat people in my town, but nowhere to buy clothes in my size. Someone else might have shopping resources but not have the cash to do it without pointers (and swaps) from other fat people. Many younger fat people are in a hostile home situation, so the FA community provides a safe mental space.
Yep, I absolutely agree that community is really crucial and valuable. But that’s not quite what I’m getting at – it’s more like, the stuff that bothers me is that the ‘solution’ is framed in terms liberal humanist notions of individual self-determination, even when the ‘problem’ isn’t.
I don’t speak academic too well but I will try…lol
So you think that the ‘problem’ of fat isn’t seen by the dominant social discourse as something that exists on an individual basis? That an individual isn’t responsible for their own weight? I would have thought that fat was seen as something that was self determined (seen that way by society at least) and that the ‘solution’ is also seen as being a matter of individual self-determination but seeing as that (individual self determination) doesnt seem to be working (ie making us thinner) that society has now made it a community issue.
Or maybe I am barking up the wrong tree entirely…
: )
Hang on, aren’t you doing a PhD these days? But yeah, there is a problem with translating academic discourse to a blog, and I’m not particularly adept at it (yet!).
What I was trying to get to was that FA (in general, ignoring all the specificities and differences for a minute) sees the ‘problem’ of fat as a sociocultural one – it’s fat hatred that’s the problem, not individual fat bodies (I agree). But the ‘solution’ is still very much centred on the individual, on “changing one’s mind about fat”, and this change of mind leading to personal, individual liberation from socially ingrained fat hatred. It implies a level of individual autonomy that belies the cultural analysis of the problem. Extending it out to a community of personally liberated individuals doesn’t really resolve that tension, either (I don’t think).
I think it’s interesting that you identify the same contradiction in the dominant social discourse on fatness as well – I hadn’t really meant it like that, but you’re absolutely right. Despite all the talk about ‘obesogenic environments’ and such, the discourse still positions the ‘solution’ as absolutely the responsibility of the (fat) individual. I’d also argue that the discourse which positions fatness as a community issue in this way is deeply classist and used to ‘safely’ disparage ‘inappropriate’ lifestyles, cheapness, trashiness, and anything coded as ‘lower class’.
I suppose I see us as having been erased from our own lives and experiences. A situation that is intolerable, regardless. Merely by seeking to speak for ourselves, no matter the riducule, disgust etc, is taking that ground back. Deviating from the obesity script, frankly, messing with it terribly, forces a response.
And to be honest, I wonder whether restoring ourselves to the centre of our experience and scaring others off feeling any entitlement to encroach on this as much as we need or can be expected to do.